Thursday, 19 June 2008
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Not Holding My Breath....
lets face it. i miss college. summer is completely too long for me to handle. the only thing i can do is make money and bide my time until i spend that money. i had a thought today when i was listening to some good ol acappella music. its the kind we sing at my wednesday night house church... and i miss that too. i look forward to the day i get to be back there, with all of the beautiful voices. i could almost hear the individual voices of each one of the people... and i tried to describe the feeling. what i came up with was like taking a breath after holding it for a long time, and that breath being filled with the most wonderful aroma. and that made me think about how i am holding my breath right now. i am holding my breath...in fear of what habits i might catch if i breathe in home...in blind denial that if i hold my breath i wont miss a beat of my dear friends' lives that they are living this summer. but then i realize that i am forgetting to live my life in fear of missing out on theirs.
i wish you all could know me, cause you would be able to understand my words in a way in which i lack the ability to type to you. there are so many things running through my head....this post is not written in sorrow, or frustration. i am well aware of what is working in my life right now. im not forgetting to live, but i am biding my time. and that is kind of the same thing. i am letting God work in my life, using me despite myself, for his good. i just feel unsettled about something...an unknown.... and it fills me with more wonder and joy in my struggle than it does complaining and sorrow in my post.
i observe a lot of things. and i like to know what is going on, i like to understand things. its just hard for me to observe things i cannot see...
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