Monday, 18 August 2008

• WHOA GOD!

  I've finally caught a glimpse of the person that i want to be! there has always been a certain personalilty that draws me in and appeals to me. i find traits in people and say, 'man, i wish i could be like that.' well this time i saw it in myself. i WAS the person ive always wanted to become. and it is amazing how HARD it is to hold onto that person.

  i just got back from camp a couple of days ago. and it was, as always, the most life-altering experience of my life. i always think it cant get better, but it always does! when i let go of EVERYTHING in me to be the person God chose me to be at camp, i found that place where joy never ceases!

  things that happened at camp:

  i had a real encounter with spiritual warfare. all weekend before week 1 i was getting really excited for the start of camp, my campers got here, and i was terrified, but excited. never once did i question the awesomeness that was about to happen. til sunday night, first night with my kids, a thought popped into my head that was far from my own. i want to get out of here. i dont want the responsibility of these kids. i hate kids, what was i thinking? WHOA...wait...that was not my thought. that was no where in my heart or mind. so where did that thought come from?? but i did not let that dwell for more than a split second.

  i had my first ever experience of a christ centered crisis. i praised God for his love and kindness when things were amazing. when things got hard, i cried out to God, asking him for his comfort and guidance, and the i thanked him for the tears and trials that will make me stronger. not once did i tear God, myself, or anyone else down in the process. it was like my very own psalm.

  i had my first longing for suffering. everything was much easier when it was harder.... if you get what i mean. i felt like everything got in the way when i didnt have a cabin group during week 4. my cabins kept me accountable to my purpose. they kept me humble, they kept me as innocent as they were. Grown-ups complicate everything. Pride krept up, laziness krept in... suffering, real suffering keeps my eye on the end prize.

  i felt my passion for this ministry. if this is the way i am the person ive always wanted to be, the closest form of a vessel for Christ, is this my calling? has it always been my calling?

  i experienced leadership roles, got in trouble, learned my weaknesses, felt over-competitiveness creep in for the first time in a long time, squelched it by walking away, saw God's amazing hands on the life of a stubborn boy, saw the work of Christ being carried out by an amazing staff, found encouragement in some that they will never know they gave, came back considering the cost, ready for a new challenge...

  if you ever get a chance to be a camp councelor, i suggest you take that opportunity without hesistating!

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